


All of You

by OnyxxStone



Series: White and Gold [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Incest Kink, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6213622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxxStone/pseuds/OnyxxStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two brothers sit down for dinner for the first time since things were simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my fantastic beta-reader Ratbagqueen.

Landon parked across the street from his house three minutes before seven o’clock. Heart pounding, Cody could see him out the window, and wondered, because it was a quarter past before the doorbell rang.

He took a deep breath and replayed the message that hadn’t left his head for days.

_“Hi, Cody. This is Landon... your brother, Landon… I’m in town next week and thought we could catch up? It’s been…long. So. Yeah. Talk to you soon, then. Bye.”_

He hadn’t spoken to Landon in two years – even tonight’s dinner they had arranged over voicemails and texts – and now only a few seconds separated Cody from the reunion he’d longed for.   Collecting himself, he opened the door.

“Cody,” his brother said.

Landon stood on the threshold, and the sight of him was rare and achingly beautiful, like sunshine in the rain. His hair was still a feathery tumble of dark curls, but shorter now than it had been. The beard was new: trim and carelessly elegant. He wore a blazer over a tee shirt, and old, faded jeans. Cody drank him in. He looked sophisticated, and handsome, and…wary.

They hugged, briefly. Landon was stiff against his arms.

“It’s good to see you!” Cody ruffled his hair. Downy, like always. His fingers lingered before falling away, and he cleared his throat to relieve the growing tightness there. “Come inside, you.”

Landon bit his lip, and entered his house.

The looked at each other for a few seconds and laughed off the awkwardness. Cody offered a tour because, admittedly, he was very proud of his house. Having bought it less than a year ago, he still beamed when pointing out his favorite features: the state-of-the-art wireless security system, the automatic tinting windows, the recess lighting he had installed himself. He noticed that Landon was not very interested in these things; his brother’s eyes rested on him more so than anything he talked about. There was something muted about him, veiled, that Cody couldn’t see. But when they reached the study, Landon was drawn to the display of family photos. A hint of a smile crossed his mouth.

Landon gazed at one of himself in his graduation robes, holding a college diploma; then another classic, of their mother holding them both on her lap, smiling while they laughed at some secret children’s joke.        

The smile fell as he picked up the framed picture on the mantle. “I’m sorry I missed your wedding.”

Cody, leaning against the desk behind him, looked at his ring.   “It’s in the past. You’re here now.”

A strangled silence. “Your wife is very beautiful,” he said, like it hurt.

“If you’re here still on Sunday, she’d love to meet you.”

“Ah,” was all he said.

Thankfully, the oven beeper finished the conversation for them, and they made their way to the kitchen.

“Empanadas?” he asked, as Cody lifted the dish to the counter.

“Mom’s recipe.” He chanced a look at his brother. “I know it’s your favorite.”

Landon blinked, and was suddenly captivated by the items posted on the refrigerator.

He served their food onto plates and brought them to the dining room, where a table was set with heartfelt simplicity. Shallow candles had been lit and an aromatic red wine aired in a curved decanter. Landon sat where Cody indicated, sipped from a glass of water, and smiled shyly across the table.

“Thank you. It looks delicious, Cody.”

He ate deliberately, cutting his the empanada into bites, setting down his knife, and slowly chewing. There was a candid pleasure in feeding loved ones, and Cody watched him eat, smiling to hear the subconscious sounds of contentment he made.

“What is so amusing?” Landon asked, not looking up from his plate.

Cody shrugged, and leaned back in his seat. “Can’t quite believe you’re here.”

A momentary stillness passed over them, before Landon said, “Tell me about your life here.”

He did so, giving a brief explanation of his job as a producer for one of the programs on National Public Radio, and how he was pretty active in the local Stanford Alumni groups. But Landon went stiff at the mention of his wife, and he let it go, merely saying that she worked for the National Institutes of Health and was currently at a conference in New York. He watched Landon process and file all of this information, his face blank, if a little drawn. He wanted so badly to know what restrained his beautiful smile.

“And you?”

Landon made a noncommittal noise. “My life is not very exciting.”

“I still want all the boring details.”

“My only news is that I finished my dissertation. I got my Ph.D.”

Cody grinned. “I’m so proud of you.”

Landon bit his lip, looking more adorable than anyone ought to. “Thanks.”

“Landon Peterson, Ph.D. I like it. Congratulations.”

But his brother coughed, as though swallowing something bitter. “I changed my name. It’s Reyes, now. Mom’s maiden name.”

Cody fought the humor bubbling in his stomach, and failed. He laughed, one loud clear note, and Landon narrowed his eyes. “How is that funny?”

“Because, brother dearest,” said Cody as he lifted his glass, “I took Katharine’s.”  

Mirth bloomed on his face, and they laughed, deeply, like old times. Their voices had a harmony that he’d never found elsewhere, and he mourned a little as it ended. Landon’s face sank back into neutrality, and he wondered if Landon was… alright. Did most people believe that veneer of a smile? There was no joy in his voice as he talked about his job at a library, ESL tutoring, and freelance translating. He lived in a condo around the corner from their mother, and had no friends aside from old acquaintances from high school.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“No,” he said on an exhale. Cody waited for more, but Landon remained silent, and looked everywhere but him.

“Are you happy?”

“I get by, Cody.”

They ate in silence for a while. They talked about Curtis, and their lovely, grown-up stepsisters. About their mother, about Boston’s terrible winters. About everything that wasn’t alive and struggling between them.

Cody finished his wine, and went to refill their glasses, only to find that Landon’s was unchanged. “You don’t like it? Should I open something else?”

Landon opened his mouth, seeming to deliberate what to say. A minute passed, and then a lopsided smile died on his lips. “I’m ten months sober.”

“… _oh_.” With every vital organ he felt the pain behind those words. Curling forward, he put his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands. He wondered at what brand of misery would twist his smart and capable brother into a twenty-eight year old alcoholic; and he found he already knew. “Shit, Landon.”

When he could raise his eyes again, Landon was perfectly still and as untouched as his wine. His posture, erect and unforgiving, betrayed no hint the melancholy of rolling off him.

“Last year was not a good time,” he said, carefully. “Sober, I couldn’t have watched you get married. And I didn’t want to be the spectacle at your wedding: the drunk best man who pukes on the bride and molests the groom.” He shook his head as if it were funny.

He’d thought Landon couldn’t attend because he was abroad in Europe, broke, studying and traveling to wherever lost twenty-somethings take themselves. From Landon he’d gotten an impersonal gift from the wedding registry, and a card clearly signed by his mother. He’d shed tears, for that.

“You could have told me…”

“What? That I was in rehab? That mom had found me passed out on the kitchen floor one too many times?”

“I would have picked you up,” said Cody softly. “I would have been there.”

Landon’s lip trembled, and said, barely, “No.”

He was quiet for a moment, and watched Landon’s throat as he swallowed the water in his glass. He rubbed the back of his neck. “So Mom knows.”

Landon nodded. “Mom knows.”

“Everything?”

A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Enough.”    

He sighed. God, just yesterday she’d given him the recipe for Landon’s favorite dish. “She…”

“She holds Richard accountable for it all. She’s there for you, if you want to talk. You’re blameless in her eyes. Her oldest son.”

He was so taken aback by Richard’s name coming out of Landon’s mouth that he nearly missed the rest: _in her eyes._

“And yours?”

Landon pressed his lips to a flat seam. He recognized that flee response winding through his body, and hated how he knew it.

Cody reached out, and covered Landon’s hand with his own. The fingers twitched, but didn’t move away.

“I love you, Landon,” he said, plainly earnest. “Always.”

Landon closed his eyes, and two tears carved glistening paths down his face. A shaky breath expanded his chest, and left with a low whistle. “I need to leave, now.”

He stood abruptly and made for the door, taking all of the air in the room with him. Terrified, with panic threatening his throat, Cody pursued.

He couldn’t keep his brother by force, this time.       

“Landon!” he pleaded. “Don’t go and vanish for another two years. We need to – I’d like to – talk. About us, about everything.” He rushed around Landon, bracing an arm against the front door, and ducking to meet his eyes. “Isn’t that why you came?”

Landon shifted his feet, painfully uncomfortable. His voice was strange, and sharp. “I thought…I was strong enough to see you, but I’m not. You don’t understand, Cody! You make me – ”

“…want to drink?” he supplied, feeling a heaviness drape on his shoulders.

Landon used a slender hand to massage his temples. “I want so badly to forget...”

“Stay, Landon.” Cody grasped at whatever he could. “We’ll dump the wine, and I won’t touch you. Please! Just stay.”

Landon’s eyes were full of fear and longing, and finally, trust. He stepped away from the door, and Cody led him tentatively to the dining room.

“Get rid of it,” Landon toned, lowly. His mask was back on. Eyes bored into him as he poured the contents of decanter and glass down the kitchen sink. The untouchable vision of his brother made his heart beat faster, and strangely enough, sent a thrill through his belly and groin. He hadn’t felt this depth of wanting in a long, long, time.

Cody offered, “Let’s sit outside.”


	2. Chapter 2

The backyard was bordered on two sides by high hedges, for privacy from the neighbors. In front of them, the lawn trailed off into woods. Stringed lanterns overhead blinked to life as he hit the switch, covering the patio and the yard with soft light to an oak tree, where the strings connected to a high branch.  

Landon slipped off his blazer in the balmy, summer air, breathed deeply, and followed Cody towards the padded swing seat hanging from the oak tree.

It gave a friendly creaking sound as they sat upon it, and rocked slowly with their weight. If he thought Landon would relax outside in the gently swaying chair, he was mistaken. His brother was like a statue. Closed to him, and cold.

Cody began, “The last time I saw you…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Honestly, neither did Cody. It was one of the ugliest memories he had, and that was saying something. Delirious grief sex had wrangled more misery than pleasure, and left them bruised, bleeding, and cursing each other. It was, in a way, Richard’s parting gift.

“What did you do, then, after the funeral?”    

“Went back to Spain. I was signed up for a student exchange, doing research at Universidad de Barcelona.”

“Barcelona,” said Cody with a sigh. “What was that like?”

Landon didn’t speak for several moments. “I spent probably the worst year of my life in the most beautiful city in the world. Made it all… bearable.”

Cody didn’t know what he had expected. He’d hoped, of course, that his brother would be happier, healthier without their father alive and no longer living with him in that toxic house. He’d hoped Landon would come back to him once his grief had run its course. He’d imagined tearful reunions and lovemaking on the couch… apologies peppered with kisses and Landon laughing in his bed. But all his fantasies drained away as he observed Landon, who was looking straight ahead, his fingers clasped in his lap. Cody listened to him speak about his escalating drinking problem and loneliness, before the next admission delivered a blow to his gut:  

“I fucked a lot of people, Cody. Some women, but mostly guys. I had a type,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching. “Older, stronger men. Grey eyes, suits, you know. Silver foxes who wanted a baby boy.”

Cody fought the bile rising in his throat. “Were you safe?”  

He shook his head. “I put myself in many …unsafe …situations. But nothing a trip to the doctor couldn’t fix,” said Landon, and then, as an afterthought, “miraculously.”

Cody rubbed his shaking hands over his knees and exhaled slowly. Landon continued:

“Though there was a girl, another comp lit grad student. Her name was Alex, and we dated for a while. She was happy, and whole. I wondered if, in another world, I could have been like that. Did you know I used to like girls, before Dadd…But it didn’t matter. I could never rise to the occasion, however badly I wanted to. So we just didn’t have sex, and for a while it worked.”

“What happened,” said Cody, already regretting the end to the story.

Landon continued in the same, unaffected voice. “I got drunk, cheated on her, and I broke her heart.” He rearranged himself a little. “I wonder often what I would be like if Richard hadn’t raped me. If I hadn’t spent my formative years getting fucked by my own father. Would I still like cock? Would I like getting tied up? Hurt by people who said they loved me?”

Cody tried to focus on something else, anything else, but he couldn’t, and his heart was breaking.

“How much was me, and how much was learned?” Landon looked at the leaves above them, as if they held the answer, and sighed. “But it’s fucking pointless to wonder at all, and at the end of the day I just want to drink. God. I wish I were old.”

“ _Stop it!_ ”

“What,” said Landon, leveling a cruel look at him. “Is my pain too much for you, brother?”

The words hit him like a slap, and Cody flinched. He didn’t recognize the man next to him, and for one, horrifying moment thought, _Did I do this?_

But he pushed it from his mind and searched Landon’s face. “…you want to hurt me, don’t you? Are you angry, Landon? Do you want to fight me?” He let his voice go deep, goading, pressing his brother to release whatever had soured inside him.

But instead, his eyes went soft, and his shoulders drooped. “Oh, Cody,” he said. He traced a knuckle from jaw to chin. “No, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry I snapped.”

Cody caught the wandering hand and kissed it. Kissed his knuckles, his fingertips, the stems of his slender fingers. He kissed the shallow valley of his palm, the tender blue veins of his wrist, and all his pent up apologies and unspoken promises were imparted with each soft press of lips to skin.

Landon cupped his face, and tilted it closer. A small eternity passed before his lips closed the distance between them. It took everything he had not to grasp Landon and pull him under the kiss he longed to deliver. He was still, and it was its own kind of heaven.

Landon moaned into him and opened his mouth, his fingers locked on the base of his neck. The tongue claimed his own, and Cody gave himself over to Landon’s growing insistence and passion. They shifted closer; another hand locked onto his neck.

But something was wrong.

Landon was purring, plunging his tongue into Cody’s mouth. He bit and groaned and cursed, his movements feral. Cody felt like his brother was devouring him, but he didn’t recognize this hunger.

It was as if…as if Landon were gleaning every hint of wine on his mouth…

Helpless.

Ravenous.

Carelesss. 

“No, Landon,” said Cody. He went cold, and forced the hands from his neck. “I won’t be your addiction.”

Landon went still with shock. His hands fell slowly to his sides, and a couple tears spilled down his cheeks, dotting his shirt. A trickle grew to a stream and Landon just looked at him as dark spots multiplied on his chest. His trim beard didn’t matter, and his Ph.D. didn’t matter, because right then he could have been a little boy, silent and trembling and broken.

Cody had never seen anyone so sad. He realized: this had been what Landon was hiding all evening. How much it must hurt, he mused, to bury all these tears below the surface. He swept some aside with his thumb and couldn’t help but imagine the taste if he could kiss them away. His heart sank deeper.

A defeated voice broke the silence: “I’m ruined.” Landon’s dark eyes glistened from tears and reflected the lights above them. Cody disagreed softly but Landon wouldn’t hear it. “I see you,” he said, “and I hate myself for wanting you.”

“Don’t…”

“You made me think that to be a good brother, a good son, I had to…” his voice faltered. “…that if I loved you, I would – ” Landon let out a soft lament; he brought his knees to his chest and sobbed into crossed arms. Words were lost amid his cries and it took Cody a moment hear them: “ _I was sixteen_.”

Cody longed to touch him, to comfort him, to kiss and soothe away his pain.   Sitting next to him was worse, somehow: to witness and remain unable to breach the sadness that engulfed his beautiful brother. Each heartbeat was a deep ache in chest. Appropriate, he thought, since he’d been complicit in that abuse for six years.

“I’m sorry, Landon.” There were no other words. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know you are,” he said, sniffling. “If you weren’t I wouldn’t be here. I…I got your letters. And I know, now, why you left us, even if I was too pained to see clearly then.”

Taking his cue from Landon’s tired eyes, he reached out a hand and trailed it through the dark curling waves. He leaned in and pressed kisses to his neck, ear and temple until Landon relaxed against his side.

“I’m glad you got my letters,” he said.

“Not all. Daddy burned most of them. Things between us went really sour after that fight you two had. I wasn’t allowed to contact you anymore.”

Cody’s arm rested around his brother’s waist. “It’s been so long since we could just talk.” The funeral didn’t count, he said to himself.

They’d been…preoccupied.

He thought about the easy back and forth of their childhood, which had stayed strong even as their relationship evolved, for better or worse, into their college years. It had always been good between them. That peculiar burning sensation started in the corner of his eyes as he pulled Landon closer.

“I missed you,” Landon murmured.

“God,” said Cody, muting his words against the crown of Landon’s head. “I’ve missed you so much.” He knew Landon could feel his shuddering breath, and didn’t care at all.

Their tears ran dry as they swayed beneath the oak tree. Crickets chirped pleasantly and fireflies dotted the woods. Landon’s head rested on his shoulder: a comfortable, warm weight.

Everything felt right.

“You know,” Landon said, “I want to love you as a brother should. As you deserve. But I don’t know if I can.”

“I will always want you, Landon. All of you.”

Landon hummed, and picked up his left hand. “You’re married, Cody.”

They looked at his ring - white ceramic set in gold. He and Katharine had picked it together, wanting to exchange identical wedding bands. “Yes,” he said. “And nothing will stop what I feel for you.”

Landon kissed his chest lightly. They sank back into silence again, rocking back and forth in fragrant summer air. It was the most peace Cody had experienced in a long time, like a fragment of a puzzle returned to its place.

They sat there, holding each other until Landon started scratching mosquito bites and Cody thought it best to head inside.  


	3. Chapter 3

“I should go,” Landon said as he closed the door to the patio behind him. “Can I come by tomorrow, after you get off work?”

“Sure you can,” said Cody, who cleared the table. He noticed with a pang that Landon had only eaten half of his food they took their few dishes back the kitchen. “Or,” said Cody, closing the dishwasher with his knee, “you can stay for breakfast.”

Landon blushed deeply, looking away. “…no.”

“Why not?” It was whispered into his hair, soft as the fingers trailing up his arms. He tried to kiss Landon but it fell on his cheek. “Don’t make me watch you walk out that door.”

Landon groaned, his breath warming Cody’s neck. “It’s a good thing I’m immune to your charm.”

“What?” said Cody with a small frown. “No, you’re not.”

But Landon was chuckling, his eyes round and honest and sad. “I never was. That’s the problem.” Landon found his hands and interlocked their fingers. “To bed, then.”

 

* * *

 

He refused, however, to get in Cody’s bed. He kept calling it “hers.”

“There’s a guest room, yeah?” he said, looking uncomfortably around the master suite.

They had to put linens on the bed, but Landon didn’t mind. Cody decided not to share that he and Katharine had fucked in every room in the house when they moved in.  

Instead, he took off his shirt. Landon licked his lower lip and watched him hungrily. And that fucking look _._ He could live off of the heat in those eyes. His pants came next: sliding off his belt, opening his fly, and shucking them from his hips. He had no finesse when it came to teasing glances and undressing for pleasure.

But that was all part of the charm Landon couldn't resist. Two fingertips left his lip and hooked onto the waistband of Cody’s briefs, pausing. They trembled, like they wanted to reveal what mystery lay behind the curtain, but Landon sighed, and let it be.

Cody kissed his brother’s neck as he lifted the hem of his shirt, coaxing cooperation out of him.

_Shh. It’s alright. It’s only me._  

A quiet whimper as the shirt fell the floor, and Cody unbuttoned his pants. He knelt to pull the jeans down over his feet. And there, right before his eyes, was Landon’s cock, half hard, the tip wet, curving with its perfect imperfection. His mouth watered at the sight – his grip on Landon’s calves tightened – and he opened his mouth for his prize.

“No … don’t!”

Cody’s vision glared red.

He’d heard those words so many times before, it was like instinct:

_Please, Cody!_

_It hurts._

_I don’t want to…_

Cody took a deep breath, reigning in the monster in his chest that would see Landon on the bed, legs splayed as his cock wept, forced open and then forcibly taken.

He exhaled.

Not this time.

“I…” said Landon, his voice trembling. “No sex. I don’t want to tonight.”

“Ok, Landon.” His eyes caught on a tattoo, artfully drawn and hidden in the groove between is hip bone and groin. “What’s this?” he asked, trailing a finger around it.

There were several interconnected dots, the sharp angles and lines offset by shaded curves. After a moment, he saw that there were two human-like figures locked together.

“Constellations,” said Landon, softly. “Virgo and Sagittarius.”        

Cody frowned a little; he was a Sagittarius. He wondered, was this how Landon saw them? He tried to see the rest, but the remaining half of the image was lost to the intimacy of his groomed, curling hair.

“I can’t quite tell if they’re lovers…or hurting each other…?”

A few gentle knuckles stroked his cheek. “Neither can I,” his brother said.

Cody stood up slowly, swallowing the knot in his throat. After a minute: “Do you have any other tattoos?”

With a sigh, Landon reached for the leather cuff bracelet he wore and unclasped it, revealing in stark black ink several numbers separated by dashes on the underside of his wrist.

“The day Richard died,” said Landon under his breath.

Cody took a step back.

That was it then: Landon was left completely, utterly naked. Every inch of skin was bare for all, as if he were saying, This is who I am now. This is what’s left.

Cody had what he wanted, didn’t he? For years he’d longed to know what moved his brother’s heart, and if he’d ever be allowed near it again. He looked at the beautiful, sharp lines of his brother’s body, masculine and long with a runner’s lean grace. The sad yet elegant slope to his shoulders. The soft trail of hair down his chest that he was finally free to leave alone.  

And lower.

Landon shivered. His cock twitched and he tried to hide himself with his hands, but at a soft _tsk_ from Cody they retreated to his sides. Cody watched him grow, fascinated, the air thick with want.

Landon left out a soft whimper, discomfort met with desire; he forced his hands to remain still again. Exposed.

And Cody wondered if this was what he looked like before other men, when he went searching for their father in all the wrong places: so vulnerable, so docile, so transparent. It would have been easy to maneuver him into bed like this, or seduce him into chains. Perhaps others already had.

The monster in his chest growled at the thought of these strange, faceless lovers, their calloused hands playing pet with his brother.    

“Please!” said Landon, snapping him back to the present. His eyes were wide and his voice was strangled in that way that betrayed his fear. “Please don’t hurt me…!”

Oh, God. He hadn’t meant…Cody fell apart, and gathered Landon into his arms.

“Never again,” he told his brother, who shook like a leaf against him. “Never again. Hush. You’re safe with me. I love you. I love you, Landon. You’re safe.”

An hour later they lay in bed, naked limbs crisscrossing and for once, laying peacefully together. It was strange, but good to learn that they could just coexist: pillow talk in the darkly lit guestroom.

“There’s something I have to know, Cody, and I need you to be honest with me. Ok?” He waited for Cody’s assurance, then said, “Tell me how long you’ve – wanted – me.”

Cody balked. “College, maybe? Why do you need to know – ”

“Oh, god, don’t lie.” He sounded worn and rough. “I’d rather lose a few memories than my faith in you.”

Cody sighed, and massaged his temples. He looked at the ceiling. “Honestly, I can’t think of a time when I _didn’t_ want you. My earliest memory is singing you to sleep in your crib, Landon.”

He heard his brother suck in a breath.

“When you were a kid, you used to wet the bed, remember? Neither mom nor dad wanted to deal with it in the middle of night, and I remember after cleaning you up, they’d just put you in with me. And I …I always liked having you close.”

It was hard to speak about it aloud. Especially to Landon, who was motionless against his side.

“I only started questioning my sexuality because I – ” he gulped, and continued. “Because I dreamed about you, alright? Even after I got some experience under my belt, dreams still came back to you. I ignored them, knew they weren’t normal, but I couldn’t help it. I fucked boys in college who’d remind me of you. I fucked _girls_ in college who’d remind me of you. And then, one winter break I come home and find every fantasy I’d ever had just waiting for me. And I was too weak and selfish to say no.”  

Cody closed his eyes. “I won’t deny I inherited some of Richard’s, ah, lesser qualities. I liked what we did, and we convinced ourselves you did, too. It took me…fucking six years to see what a monster I’d been...” A furtive breath, and he glanced over at Landon to find his brother staring with widened, luminous eyes. Cody ventured, quietly, “Did you ever think about me before that night?”

Landon’s gaze was gentle. “I never thought about it until then. And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.”

Landon’s hand traveled down his chest and over the ripples of his abdomen, stark at his brother’s touch. His fingers reached his cock, touching it curiously, letting his fingertips see what his eyes could not. Cody’s cock inevitably began to swell. Unable to stop himself, Cody arched his lower back, pressing his length further into Landon’s loose fist.

“Really? I’m not even doing anything!” Landon said, his voice lilted with laughter. He teased, “I didn’t know you got excited so easily.”

The grip shifted, palpating with his thumb, and Cody groaned as he rode the consequent wave of arousal that coursed through him. 

“Not easily,” he said. 

Slowly, Landon’s hand went still, then he rested it on the flat area below his navel, and kissed Cody’s forehead.

They fell asleep in that strange place in between lethargy and longing, a relaxed and quiet comfort in which they could be either lovers, or brothers, or both.


	4. Chapter 4

Cody woke up to find Landon propped up on elbows, smiling down at him.

“Still an early riser, are you?” he said, and Landon’s smile widened. “What time is it?”

“Six-ish.” The morning sunlight on his hair made Landon appear to glow. Looking at him, Cody no longer cared how early it was. He was reminded: “You promised breakfast.”

“So I did.” Cody smiled back at him.

They pulled on boxers and went together to the kitchen. Landon watched him start the coffee and picked an apple from the fruit bowl.

“Yeah… I don’t have anything special,” Cody sighed, looking at the boxes of cereal, two eggs, and half a baguette that made up the possible breakfast items.

Landon laughed, and took a bite of the apple. “Cody! Did you lie to get me in bed with you?”

“Yes.” He admitted it wholeheartedly, smiling, and wrapped his arms around Landon’s waist. “Are you mad?”

Landon shook his head, and offered him a side of the apple. His pupils dilated as Cody bared his teeth and bit, slowly, into it. His eyes fell to Cody’s mouth, and as he swallowed, to his throat.

The apple slipped to the floor.

Before it touched the ground, he had Landon hoisted onto the nearest countertop with his face buried in his brother’s neck.   He sucked on that spot that made him whine, and bathed in the sound.

“Cody,” Landon groaned. Fingers in his hair pulled them face-to-face, but all of Cody’s kisses were evaded. He cursed lowly, a hand on Landon’s thigh, and Landon said after several attempts, “How are you not ashamed?”

“Landon…” he whispered, repeating his brother’s name with soft incredulity. _This_ was the reason they hadn’t fucked yet? He tried to suppress his disbelief. “How could I be ashamed of you? Fucking…look at you, now: Dr. Reyes. How many languages do you speak?”

“…five.”

“Well, you were always the smart one.” His voice softened. “The beautiful one. To be where you are now, in spite of…everything…. and then, to be capable of loving anyone at all? You’re one of the strongest people I know.” Landon’s breath was warm and quick. Cody kissed one of his wrists. “Landon, I’m not just proud to be your brother, I’m proud you’re in my life at all. Of course I’m not ashamed to – ”

But his words were lost as Landon sealed his mouth with a kiss. It was, Cody relented, well worth the wait.

Landon’s arms slipped around his shoulders and his whole body melded to Cody’s like he’d never belonged anywhere else. His knees opened and Cody could feel his cock pressing into his stomach. He smiled, suddenly overwrought with joy, and pulled Landon’s boxers off completely. They had to break the kiss to do so and Landon laughed at the expression on his face, looking for an instant heart-wrenchingly youthful. He poured olive oil from the bottle beside him into his hand and said, “Come here, Cody.”

And Cody, free of any clothing, obeyed. They kissed while Landon prepared him. Inspired by a sudden notion, he hefted Landon into his arms and brought him through to the dining room, laying him on the table where dinner had been the night before.

Flushed, Landon looked up, his legs folding and parting in invitation. And with sure, breathless focus, Cody ended the longest six years of his life.

Cody wanted to last longer than he did. He wanted to remember it, and savor it, but he couldn’t.

The smallest thing set him off, too: it was the light feel of Landon’s feet against his legs, and fuck, he came so hard, he thought a part of him had died. It was wasn’t until he blinked his way back to clarity that he even saw the proof Landon’s pleasure between their chests.

He implicitly lifted Landon up and onto his lap as he collapsed into and armless dining chair. He never needed words to know what Landon wanted.

Landon happily burrowed into his neck, and they breathed each other’s skin. Cody chuckled, helplessly. He had gotten a taste for post-sex cuddling from Landon, who time and again would doze blissfully curled up in his arms, naked and cum-smeared and not caring at all.

“You’re so light,” Cody observed after ten or so minutes, pinching the non-existent fat around his waist.

“Eh,” said Landon. “I lost a lot of weight when Daddy died. Haven’t gotten it all back yet.”

He pressed a kiss to Landon’s shoulder. The smell of coffee wafted over them, rich and warm.

“You need to get to work soon?” said Landon, shifting closer and tightening their embrace.

“Not for a while.” He smiled, and kissed his way to Landon’s mouth.

Their limbs entwined as they sighed into each other’s mouths, renewing the memory of a brother’s kiss. They paused to grin, then started with a touch of lips, escalated to full press of mouth upon mouth, and then repeated until Landon tucked his head into that tiny nook between shoulder and jaw.

Cody hummed. 

“Not for a while.”


End file.
